Control only what you can control…

I know someone that is so meticulous in everything she does that she could be termed perfect if that was a possible expression for our humanity.

She’s an epitome of order, which is really cool..
The problem is with how she also tries to control the people around her so they can be almost as thorough as she is. She’s almost wearing herself out to madness in this case.

My friend, Helen, as i would like to call her here, is a very good person. And i mean that by every iota of the meaning of the word.
If you have ever been in need of loyalty, then she’s the perfect match of what friendship should be.

I really don’t know how she does it, but with all her busy schedule, she would always find a way to be there for us when she’s so needed in our lives. What a terrific soul!! Selfless.

As with everything human, i guess my friend’s weak spot will be her wanting to always have everything under control, especially even those area where she could have seen the need not to. This attitude has created for her more chaos than her good soul deserves.

There are some little things we have under our control. Like our choice of friendships, what we want for dinner; what to wear as per what’s available in our wardrobe now or our financial capacity to go get some new ones if it is so required. Others may be where we want to live, and sometimes depending on which country you live in, the type of job to do.

Now as Nigerians, we have to be careful about what we choose to have on our  control lists; you know light maybe under control country in the US but not here for us, unfortunately! So you are advised to always have an option B of a generator set should you be having a program that would require uninterrupted energy supply.

So what’s my point with this? My point is a reminder to us for the need to have our focus only on those things we have control over. Because there are many things we really cannot help and it is those same things that are causing the rise in our stress levels, making us sick despite our good intentions.

I know how superb it would have been for us to totally have all things under our monitoring, such that we could always predict with a near accurate precision, the responses and or reactions of the things and people around us. How i wished for this too!

But you have to know that much of the undue stress that we subject ourselves to is primarily because we have refused to draw the line between what we have control over and that which we don’t. And so we bother our selves about how we will be treated by someone whose regards for people is so base that even a kindergarten kid could even give a no-pass mark to his human relations.

In our efforts to please this never-able-to-please-soul, we wear ourselves out. We lose our worth to another who isn’t deserving of our nobility and instead of showing only the kindness we know of, we still go further to try to push their appreciation button. And after more failed attempts at this recurrent efforts of ours, we start to even blame our-self and personalize the issue like we are the culprit. We really don’t ever gerrit, do we?

We cry over the incessant rainfall even in its season and complain about how it’s preventing us from driving clearly on the road. We moan over the hotness of the sun and wished it would rain instead. We just groan over all things and issues of the economies that we have absolutely no say about. We raise our stress hormones because of even Buhari’s matter as if we will be the one to go b ring him back from wherever he is! See how much we just lose it over something that isn’t really our business? God help us!

Control only what is within your power and jurisdiction to manage.

As simple as this may sound, it turns out to be one of the hardest things we do in these days of social media rage. An age where we are fighting on a twitter handle about some issues with some guy we may never even see with our eyes. Undermining the fact that we could as well have been brawling over a matter with some robot online!

In an era of improved health technology, we are still being bugged with frequent cases of high blood pressure levels, even among our youth now (when i was growing up, we thought this was a sickness for the aged). Not anymore though.

I really don’t know those things within your power to control because i am not in your shoes right now. But i would like to tell you this: “control only what you have control over.” And that also includes your marital status. It includes even the efforts you so much put at your job only to be slammed in return by an insecure boss. Let that be his problem to deal with and not yours.

Life by itself, and with the complexities of the human make-up is already hard enough for you. And i really don’t think you should make it more difficult than that.

#Beyou, it’s your best gift to us.

-Your Friend

Joy Iseki

 

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2 Responses

  1. For some of us…control is our natural tendency.for some, it is what they have had to go through. Despite, I think this is something we all need to nib in the bud if we are going to leave the good and beautiful life we have given and be called to leave.

    Keep writing Joy…..

    1. Thanks Sal for your perspective. I think it’s true that some of us have more tendencies towards control than others. And a lot of these reasons might be due to factors such as our upbringing, environment and even our temperament.
      Thanks Sal.
      Sure, I will keep writing!!

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