Dealing with the negative inner dialogue


As we have conversations with others so do we have same with ourselves. We think aloud more than we would want to believe.

Self-talk is the conversation we’re often having with ourselves. This could be the feelings and thoughts that turns to the words we speak to and about the self, also known as the inner dialogue or monologue depending on the loop of the self conversation.

This conversation may be negative or positive self-talk. But it’s rarely neutral. And the impact on your inner model would depend on whether it’s negative or positive.

Negative self-talk is more likely than a positive one. The reason is because of our nature. We’re often caught in that negative web than we would like to admit. Of the over 60000 thoughts we have a day, more than 70% of it is negative.

It turns out positive thoughts have to be consciously intended by us or we roam in the negativity.

If you’re having a negative self-talk with yourself, it means that your thoughts are mostly so. This isn’t helpful to your inner dialogue as it will have a negative impact on it. Therefore you’re going to be fixed in the nocebo effect; negative thinking having a negative effect.

Most of the negative conversations we have with ourselves are energy draining, full of low vibes and give off bad energies. You’d mostly be moody from this and experience lots of pessimistic outlook towards life.

If we’re not careful negative self-talk can leave us in the web of reoccurring negativity till the point we would assume ourselves helpless about our emotions.

When people get to this stage, they may no longer be aware of their innate power to actually control to some extent how they’re feeling. Because at this point, the pattern have become rather too unconscious.

This often constitute to the trauma we now have to heal from. Trauma isn’t all about mental illness. Trauma is whatever may have had a negative impact on our mental processes or in the way we see ourselves. Your trauma is often your personal interpretation of what it is. Never so about some diagnosis.

It would take more conscious efforts and awareness to deal with these negative pattern that had distorted our view of self. That’s Traumatic.

Some of these negative self-talk contributes to our self-loathing, self-defeating and self-limiting beliefs. And they may not be something that you just happened to bump into as a habit. The behaviour stemmed from a pattern you may have been exposed to, or the way yourself and those around you were often spoken to and about. Over time, this becomes your own default nature running like a software in your subconscious.

One of the things that makes adults continue in this cycle is the inner critic. Those voices from the past now become your inner critic. This is the voice from mainly the past environment, people, and things where you had been initially exposed to the criticisms and judgmental attitudes.

When you fail or make a mistake, this voice comes back doing the similar reprimadation you had been used to from the adults and caregivers around you then. It becomes part of the voices in your head. However, because that environment was mostly full of criticisms where you had to work so hard to please the expectations given to you before you feel loved or validated, it means this was the pattern that had been modelled to you.

Unless you become conscious of these patterns and the voices from the inner critic, it might be difficult to deal with the behaviour from those unconscious programming now affecting you and returning as the negative self talk you’re often in.

Your thoughts have influence on how you feel. In time, the feelings also begin to influence what you’re thinking because it’s been embodied. Therefore, if you’re often feeling bad about yourself and thinking how you’re not good enough, it’s because of the thoughts you’ve been thinking. And these thoughts are mostly products of the past. This is why I often tell people you’re not all your thoughts.

Even your most reoccurring thoughts have history somehow.

The problem about negative self-talk is that it affects the beliefs we have about ourselves and often have impact on your self esteem and self confidence. If you’re about to do something and all you hear from yourself is how you’re likely to fail, it becomes difficult to attempt anything or do much because you already think you’re not good enough for anything or anyone.

To deal with this negative self-talk then, we’d have to recognize the voices from the inner critic.

Which voice often told you that you cannot do much, that you have to always do more and more before you’re accepted to them? What voice made you believe you weren’t beautiful to their standard that is now controlling how you feel about your looks and the words you describe your body with? What is the voice that often condemned any of your mistakes like they always wanted perfection from you?

Now ask yourself, is any of these really my own voice or the opinions I picked from the people I looked up to?

It’s most likely theirs and not yours.

Until it became your self talk because you believed in them and therefore internalized their words.

The problem is how you’ve come to personalized it as if they were yours. To redeem yourself from the inner critic involves becoming aware that those opinions are not the truth. They were just what they are; opinions of the people you believed in.

But you had believed so much in them that they became an unconscious pattern affecting your belief system.

As you recognize them, you’d have to now write them out and begin to replace them one by one with the truth. The truth is that you’re not any of those opinions. You have to now control what you’ve always believed about yourself by rephrasing those words.

Otherwise, it means your self-talk are the talks of other people and the environment you have now personalized. This isn’t your authentic self. You now have to remove those layers of self-sabotaging mindset and replace.

Then develop the habit of saying these new empowering alternatives to yourself as many times as possible the same way you had internalized the past that became a programming. Repetition is the rule of the subconscious mind. Keep saying them until it is so repeated that it becomes a part of your subconscious programming.

Observe how you feel about yourself henceforth especially the words you use in describing who you are and what you are. Then take note of the thoughts you hold about yourself. Focus on transforming them by constantly replacing the negatives with helpful thoughts.

Affirm these empowering alternatives as often as possible speaking them to yourself as your new language.

Change often takes time. You’d have to be patient with yourself. Part of our healing journey entails what words we’re constantly thinking and feeling about ourselves and then saying them out to the self.

Your goal now is to intercept the previous patterns that had you always thinking of yourself as if you were helpless about the low vibes and energies you’ve become identified as.

This is how we change the negative inner dialogue about ourselves.

To watch my YouTube video on the impact of negative self-talk please click here.

Subscribe to my podcast here

For a one-on-one consultation with me send email to


Joy Iseki

#onlinetherapist and #emotionalwellnesscoach




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