How not loving yourself can sabotage your relationships

sobatage relationship

If a lady does not consider herself good enough, because of the issues she might be having with her inner self as a result of one or two things she despises about herself; maybe her looks, or some other attributes about her body, she may find herself always trying to be too pleasing with whom she is with, because she fears losing this person to her own fears. Yet, it may be that her man doesn’t even see anything wrong with the same things she feels bad about herself. But her insecurities thinks otherwise, and so pressures her to act very sensitive to the minutest issues around this. Thus creating some unwarranted tensions in the relationship.

The worst part may be when she finds her man admiring some other lady who might have these things she lacks in better proportions. Her insecurities could render her man’s innocent appreciation of another work of creation’s beauty as some sign he might be having an affair with this other lady. The result? She may act in ways unseemly for her position and rage in an unkind anger towards both her man, and the innocent one being admired. This attitude could lead to a malicious behavior towards the other lady, and even more suspicious behaviour at the mention of her name anywhere by someone else. This is one of the many issues that often lead to nagging in relationships that are as annoying as the incessant rainfall on a hot summer day.

If this woman would see her constant nags as a pointer to her own insecurities because of how she feels about her own body, she could have been in a better position to handle her man’s compliments of another work of a beautiful art, differently. Maybe even joining to compliment the beauty, without any cause for an alarm. But this is more difficult for her to do. Because in the first place, she lacks the acceptance of her own self, and so may find it difficult accepting others.

When you hate some parts of your bodies, or any other thing about you; maybe your pasts, for instance, for some reasons, it means you could be denying these parts of you some attention needed. Unfortunately, these unloved parts of you would always demand the attention you deny it from you in some other ways, often showing up through an insecure attitude.

Not many people are aware the reason they may not be deriving as much pleasure as they would have loved to have in their relationships is because of their lack of love for self. They usually assume the other person is the one at fault, even despite similar complaints of same habits from different persons.

So many of the insecurities that we have about ourselves as a result of not loving ourselves enough are often projected into our relationships.

These can in turn make simple conversations almost impossible to have with a loved one without you always making up cases against yourself even for words unspoken due to some assumptions you might have because of your own insecurities. But like the human you are, you’d rather blame the other party for this, again.

You see, not loving yourself can make it difficult for another soul to love you in the way that you deserve to be loved. The reason being how you end up always judging your lover’s moves and motives critically, frustrating every attempts your lover makes at making you feel loved.

It is therefore advisable to ensure your relationship with self is in tune before involving in one with another.


Self-love is a key factor for any kind of relationship. It can help for a healthy relationship. The reason being the confident it can create in the possessor of it. Self-love is the acceptance of yourself by your own self, regardless of what you are, or how you may look physically. I usually like to refer to it as the beautiful act of finely accepting your own path given that it may not be the most perfect of all options; but it is your own cross, and one you most likely didn’t even bargain for, but must accept in order to live. That way, you are better able to embrace yourself, and love who you are, completely. It is an important prerequisite for successful relationships. When you have accepted yourself enough, without any need for validations from anyone, you have in essence, conquered all external factors that may want to bring you down whether by their opinions, or in their actions. You become stronger than them.

Despite all the many good things about what loving yourself represents, so many people still have some bias as regards its practice. To these school of thoughts, it is an act of selfishness, because it centers on you. They usually say. Yet for us who understands how the value you place on you may be the worth of the return you get back in your life, we know that self-love is a healthy sign of a good confidence, proof that you’re at peace with whom you are. It is being able to love yourself enough not to allow yourself be of lesser value in anyone’s eyes. And this my friend, is what you should aim at.

Lack of self-love can make for an insecure lifestyle because it would always mean you’d have to first be validated by another before you can believe in yourself, or stand up for who you are. Which in many cases rarely happens because the nature of humans does not want you free from their manipulations of you, unfortunately.

The lover who doesn’t love himself makes loving him a herculean tasks. He sees only the negatives in almost all the goodly intentions made towards him by his lover because of his own insecurities. Sadly, no one can help him with this, if he does not admit that he needs this aid. He must need get healed by seeking truths for himself.

Self-love then is really important if you want to enjoy relationships. Because it can help you be more open minded and thus have deeper experiences of true intimacy of the soul in your relationships.

Many times, a lack of self-love could be a sign you might need healing and acceptance for the events of your pasts, or something about you. If you have found yourself always being critical, whether of self, or with other people, it might be a good step in the right direction for you to learn embracing loving yourself more, because what you are seeing in others may only be a bigger projections of your own inadequacies, reason it can impact on your relationships negatively.

To start the journey of self-love mastery then, it is first of all important to become aware that you lack love for self in the first place. The awareness of this knowledge can help you dig further into the exact areas around your life where you need to embrace yourself. Accepting yourself in this area is how you can begin the steps towards your self-love journey.

Please remember it can be quite difficult for someone else to love the self you’ve so rejected. Taking self-love mastery seriously should be one of your life’s goals then.

In my new book, BECOMING, I shared how you can truly master self-love. Orders for this book has begun. The book will be released June 30th, 2018.

For further discussion, questions, speaking engagements, or personal coaching experience on this topic, please use the Contact Me tab to reach the author. To purchase the author’s books using your bank cards, use the Shop Tab on this website. For comments, kindly post in the comment section below.

To your evolving life,

Joy Iseki

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