How patterns can help with your emotional healing journey


When we take a walk on the beach, our feet gets to leave a trail of our footsteps on the ground where we walked past. If anyone was looking for us, and perhaps the place isn’t a very common place that is marked with steps of too many people, they could trace us by our footsteps to get to where we are.

The footstep are like patterns; directional and showing a firm link from where we began to where we currently are. Just like the marks of our feet on the sand, so can the events in our lives leave a trail to show the direction of our lives thus far.

These directions which I’ll now refer to as our life’s patterns, can be used to identify the most reoccurring triggers, conflicts, joy, or whatever emotions we experience and desire to heal from or just to keep track of.

If we can identify these patterns, we could heal from what needs healing.

Patterns are an important part of our lives. They can be used to understand how our lives has been; as well as the potential direction it’s going if all things remained equal.

When I work with my clients, one thing I try to do first is to know if the current issues shows any trace or patterns. Usually when we do this, as an attempt to recall the first time the situation might have occurred, it is often helpful for us to establish some hypothesis which we then test to confirm any validity as the story links. Once this is done, we can move forward in the right direction to apply the most appropriate intervention possible to break the cycle.

Identifying patterns has been very helpful in our healing journey.In almost all instances we get to do this, the issue(s) was never a lone or separate event. It gave us links to people, environments, stuff or situations that kind of showed how the pattern had began and possible future leads if the cycle isn’t tampered with.

People often talk about patterns in a way that connotes lots of negativity. I reckon it not so. They’re rather a tool helpful for creating the right change in our lives as they show us signs.

We can as well use patterns to take note of the good things happening in our lives. That way we can live a life of gratitude, especially during the most difficult times of our lives.

Personally, studying the patterns of my life; whether in relationships, career, health or any aspects have proven to be a great step to taking the necessary decision for intervention.

It’s important we know that patterns doesn’t always have to only be utilized for the most unpleasant aspects of our lives. It works in both regards.


Patterns are revealing because they show the directions of our lives. Patterns are like our life’s trail. They show us how “life’s been” with us, if we’re honest with ourselves.

For emotional healing purposes, we can look at the patterns around our lives where we’ve suffered the most pains, conflicts or resistance, then seek more knowledge or help in that area to deal with it. But without having knowledge of the patterns, we could continue in the unnecessary drama unaware of what’s causing the turmoil in our lives.

Patterns can also show us the most consistent thoughts we have about ourselves if we pay attention to the thoughts. This can help us identify any underlying beliefs we have about ourselves generally or in particular areas that hasn’t been helpful to our mental wellbeing.

For instance, if you find yourself attracting the same kind of lovers that end up disappointing you in the area of your love life, that’s a pattern; because you’re the only constant factor here.

It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. Or that you’re unlovable; even though you might have this core belief of being unlovable as one of the limiting beliefs sabotaging your love life. The relationship pattern could be evidence that you might have defeatist beliefs about relationships which requires you paying attention to.

If you’re honest with your findings, you can start to do the inner work required to attract the right kind of lover you truly desire in your life. This is one of the huge roles identifying patterns can play in leading a better life for ourselves. As a result of these findings, you’re more likely to pay attention when next someone comes knocking at the door of your heart.

What this means is that identifying patterns in our lives activates a form of awareness or consciousness. Once we’ve become aware or conscious of something, then we can go ahead and do what’s necessary to heal in that area.

Healing or any form of self-improvement are preceded by awareness first. But without awareness of these patterns, we might continue to sabotage our own lives unconsciously by making same unhelpful mistakes or decisions that affects us badly.

It is only through awareness that we can really make significant changes to our lives, especially when it involves autopilot behaviours from our subconscious programming.


Our patterns can reveal a whole lot about our inner thoughts which is evident from the way our life has been, and also in the self-beliefs we have about ourselves. Therefore paying attention to observe what these repetitive patterns and conversations are is a huge forward step to our mental wellbeing as we act to deal with any of the self-sabotaging beliefs.

Once you become aware of your beliefs, it makes knowing why you think the way you think easier to understand.

Too many people are “sick” in the head because of the sabotaging core beliefs about themselves that’s leading their lives on a continued negative cycle of disturbing emotional rollercoaster.

By observing your patterns, you can show better understanding to your feelings, triggers and thoughts. As these become less unconscious, it is way easier for you to exercise some level of control. Thus improving on your mental health.


When you start to believe right about yourself, it changes the constant thoughts you have about yourself, which influences how you feel about yourself, and the language you use when talking about yourself. All these are signs that healing is happening within you.

With these changes, the pattern also moves to fit into the new state of being; because patterns are not static. New beliefs activates new behaviours from right thinking that converts to new patterns. So the old is gone! And you’ve succeeded in breaking the cycle of patterns holding back your happiness.

This is how we transform ourselves from within. It might take time but it’s a change that tends to deal with root issues, not just some “cosmetic” surface touches that leads to no real internal transformation.

If you want to heal from the unconscious programming running your life in form of some emotional sufferings, I’d suggest you pay attention to the patterns in your life. It’s not that difficult really; except that it requires openness and honesty from you.

If you’d need a professional guide to begin this journey, reach out to me at

To your healing.

Joy Iseki.

Recovery Therapist and Emotional Wellness Coach

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