How Self Love Affects Relationships




If you have had many recurrent issues with inadequacies in relationships regardless of how supportive or loving your partners may have been towards you, then you should be interested in self-love. It could be the answer to the constant pains that made you felt jinxed. Don’t worry about seeking for the magician to help fix things anymore. Mastering how to love who you are may as well be the magic.

Many times, our problems with other people arises not because of their faults only, but for our own failure at loving ourselves; making us attract into our lives individuals with similar inadequacies, who are also in need of healing. Talk about a dilemma!

This truth can be quite strange at first, and for me, it was something I found difficult to accept back then, especially if you’re the type who feels always on top of your game. Well, I guess our inner mind knows us better than we do. Continuous wrong relationships with different people could be a sign there might be a part of yourself not fully accepted yet in your own life, which is present in your unconscious mind and showing up in your choice of relationships. This can be better understood through the universal law of attraction. Because with this law, like minds attract.

What happens is that, you are projected towards the attraction of people with similar energy vibes as you. And because these similar kinds have the like energies of some hidden self-loathing that is being shown through means of inadequacies in their own lives, you attract each other. It starts through the mother hen attitude, where you appear to be the solution to their issues, until more challenges keep unravelling, and yet, neither is ever truly happy or even satisfied. This may be a pointer to something more, which in most cases is a lack of love for self.

I’ve met some people who dread being with themselves, alone. These people would find anything and anyone to distract themselves from themselves, anyhow, even if that would mean being in am unloving relationship. They don’t really care. The goal is to avoid being alone, however that may be achieved. People of this nature may also attract into their lives individuals who are possessive, but never completely in tune with themselves. Leading to more drama.

This is not so for someone who is at ease with himself and have come to accept who he is. However, self-love does not automatically equate to a total absence of the feeling of loneliness, or the inadequacies that may sometimes arise during some momentary low ebb in one’s life. I don’t think anyone can avoid that. What I’m inferring in this case; is how you’re able to enjoy fellowship of yourself with yourself, without feeling bad about being alone, or having an urgent need to have someone come fill the “void.” It is at this point you’re able to attract emotionally healthy individuals with good image of themselves into your own life for a sound relationship.

For marriage seekers, this can save you from the many years of running from one pillar to post, seeking help after the knots. My advice would be to settle this first before moves to become one with another flesh. Unless you want more lives destroyed by your play of ignorance.

In essence, when an individual continually finds himself from one bad relationship to another, he needs also to check himself. It may likely be that he’s attracting a part of him that is not visible to his sight but which is grounded in his unconscious mind as self-loathing. By getting this part of himself healed, one can truly have an affinity with likeminded souls and enjoy the richness of the warmth relationships offers us here on earth.


  • Loving yourself means you are more emotionally stable:

This can be traced to the self-awareness process that brought you to this point of self-love. When you have become truly aware of you, it becomes easier for you to also manage your emotions, due in part to being aware such behaviour exists in the first place. It means you’re no longer merely going by; but rather have become involved with the processes and patterns around your life through intentional consciousness by self-evaluation. Whether emotionally, or otherwise. You can by this way deal with areas where healing is required, timely.

It is this habit that makes it easier for you to gain the mastery of your emotions over time. Now, if you have ever experienced volatile relationships in any form, you’d understand why emotional stability is important for effective communion. It can be quite frustrating being friends with someone whose bursts of emotions is like the unpredictable eruption of volcanoes. One minute he’s calm and the next moment, it is like hell is let loose. Such melodramatic environment is unsafe and does not enhance vital growth in relationships and it isn’t helpful to our mental state.

But if such individual had become aware of this tantrums by practice of self-awareness, he can trace the origin of such instability, and embrace the part of himself that he’s struggling with. In most cases, this is due to a lack of self-love in some area around his life which he may not have been cognizant of. Loving yourself then can help you overcome these things and give you more room to enjoy your relationships both with self, and a share with others.

  • People with self-acceptance have improved security:

Insecurity is a major bane to effective relationships because of its assumptive sting. Emotional insecurity is a general feeling of unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way. It is mostly assumptive because most of those thoughts might not hold true for the actions of the person who’s being judged.

Self-loathing may also cause this because of the poor self-image it can project. When you have truly accepted who you are and have loved yourself enough to not feel inferior to another soul, you become secure in who you are, while giving room to other people to be themselves around you without being threatened by their actions or inaction, as the case may be. While it is perfectly normal for some doubts to arise in our relations with other people once in a while, being insecure around them, is not. It can be a sign of deeper issues like the lack of self-love.

Self-love is really important if one desires to have healthy relationships with other people. It gives you the assurance of being enough and broadens your horizon to the appreciation of self with a show of gratitude to be gifted with the presence of another soul in your life. When you have this mindset, then you are truly secure in who you are.

While the presence of self-love in a person’s life is not the entrance of any form of perfection, it is however, a right move towards excellence in interactions with both self and with others. Because of the complexity of the human nature, not all situations which we experience can be barely explained physically, without the deeper stuff of how and where it all began. It is why I cannot over emphasize on the importance of awareness enough: both of yourself and your environment. Nothing just happens. That includes your experiences. Awareness puts you in a better position of control. And it is one reason individuals with better awareness can practice self-love and experience richer relationships.


For further contributions, comments or questions to this piece, please write in the comment section. And if you would like a personal coaching section or counselling with the author, please send mail to

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To your successfully evolving life.

Joy Iseki


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