While it is important that you love yourself and be at peace with your being, not everyone easily does this. Some people find it guilty to love themselves, primarily because of some credos they’ve been told about self love. Others subtly walk in self-hate unknownly. Whether you are hating yourself or your neighbors; both are hates and so both bear the consequences of the lack of love.

There are some others who do not believe they have to learn to love themselves. These lots do not believe that an individual can actually NOT have loved himself or herself. They think it nuts.

The acceptable personal narrative would depend on your experiences with life so far. If you’re unhappy unnecessarily at things and usually experience deep down emptiness, despite your life’s achievement and surrounding support from other people, you may have to learn embracing yourself more from within.

The following can help you understand how to love yourself and come out of the emptiness you feel despite all the other good things happening around your life.

Avoid Perfectionism: if you are one of those who was brought up by very strict and perfectionist parents, there is the likelihood you may have been holding same standard for yourself. While excellence is the quality of being outstanding, perfectionism on the other is setting high performance standards that is accompanied by critical self-evaluations.

The practice of perfectionism can frustrate the individual himself because it is rarely attained. Every time you fail at reaching this self-imposed standard, the feeling of being worthless rings back at you. This attitude is no way to appreciate your many other efforts and progress you could have made if excellence was your goal. It becomes difficult for a self-critic to accept himself totally because he reminds himself of his inability to get some things done, even if he is doing a lot better. You should avoid this. Whether from you or as an expectations from other people. The pursuit of excellence rather should be your goal.

Learn to Reward Yourself: I hear many people talk about rewarding hardworking staff these days on LinkedIn. Human resources managers are beginning to understand the essence of reward for dutiful staff, without prejudice, as more firms are losing loyal staff due to negligence on the management part. I am glad this is becoming a subject, especially for contract workers. Rewarding yourself is the same show of appreciation for your efforts, like the one a hard working employee receives from his employer. It helps your mind find the extra hard work pleasurable, next time. It is like self-appreciation for your efforts as against the incessant bashings you leach out on yourself when you failed to achieve your perfectionist’s standards. It helps you wear out the urge for criticism of self and celebrate your results rather than always finding the fault round your work, by your acts of perfectionism.

List your Good Attributes: as a matter of fact, one of the reasons you have been finding it difficult to embrace yourself and love who you are may be because of the critical way you keep on evaluating yourself. This might have been something you picked up from your guardians, parental upbringing, environment and other factors round you. Now that you’re all grown and have observed how that behavior is no longer to your good, it is advisable that you replace it with a new and better habit. Rather than always being too conscious of your failings and shortcomings. It is wise you also list out you good attributes; because you have them many.

It works in similar way the devil moves the righteous soul out of the light into sin consciousness. It is the continual consciousness of sins that eventually makes him err. We are what we consistently think about. I’d rather be righteousness conscious than be sin conscious. This is how I want you to see this. You had continued in disappointing self because almost all your life, you have only been too conscious of those instances you failed. And part of your self-loathing has been as a result; you just wander why you don’t get it right. Let’s reverse that mindset. List out those things you are good at and which have contributed to some of your successes. Become conscious of them regularly. They act as your strength. Focus on it.

Have Positive beliefs about yourself: Surely, you aren’t all bad. I’m aware of how some people still think it humbling to have negative beliefs about themselves. They reckon it as piety. If you think that being bad is evil, how would holding negative opinion about yourself seem a pious thing to do? Have positive beliefs about who you and who you are becoming. If you desire trust from other people, then you are the one to first make them give you this trust by the way you hold yourself in their view. Be sure of yourself. And know your limits. Do not turn blind eye to your weaknesses. Do not be a quick pointer at your failings and all that self-defaming stuff. It is not glorifying to always bring one self low. Have a positive outlook about your life and towards self. Believe that you are able and capable of becoming whatever you desire, just like your heroes. Then work towards it.

Be shameless about being yourself: it can be pretty awkward sometimes having to watch some people change their accents, body languages and behavior to suit the people around them. While it is true to observe where you are present and notice the pattern of behavior there, especially for a newbie, it is not true to get lost among them. One thing you must realize about behavior is the notion of one thinking he’s more civilized than the other. I feel since behavioral patterns are usually started by an individual or a particular group of individuals in most cases, where others then emulate this seemingly superior officer, we must be careful to observe well and only do what is in congruence with our inner peace and core values. Be careful who and what you’re copycatting.

In an era of political correctness, it has become almost difficult to know the true colors of people. Everyone almost does the same things and say the same popular things all in the game of being liked. These days, people are rarely what they say, or do, in the public domain. Your best bets then is to be yourself. Being yourself is one of the fastest way to develop self, because you are able to see clearly what needs to improve. It also help you overcome the self-inflicted shaming that is a deterrent to your self-love practice.

Practice being alone with yourself: the reason some people run from one heart shattering relationship to another is because of their fear of being alone. It is one of the signs of lack of self-love. After all, who would want to stay with someone whose presence they don’t enjoy? Same applies to self. When you really want to come off the pains of not loving yourself, learning to spend reasonable amount of time alone and enjoying your own presence is a major practice you’d have to imbibe. It brings you bare before self and helps you deal with what you are always running away from self.

Since proximity can breed intimacy, it is the same way spending time alone in your own company gets you intimated with self, in order to love who you are. Think about it this way. You should enjoy your company enough to grow during your time alone than looking for someone to always fill the dread of emptiness. You can instead fill up that vacuum with the gift of your presence and learn loving yourself this way. If you don’t, you will keep coming back empty after every other relationship. Thus frustrating even the efforts of your lovers. And you may never really enjoy the depth of richness relationships with other people can offer. To love yourself then is to enjoy your presence like the aura of a good friend and feel blessed to have you. Then share of this richness with others through friendship.


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To your successful evolution.


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