It was okay to grief…

If you have had to visit someone who just lost a loved one, you would agree with me that it can sometimes be an awkward situation; not just for the mourner but also the sympathizer.

How else do you explain being in that moment when you don’t really know what to say or how to say what you feel you should even say? The best option I would advise is to say nothing. Just be there for them.

That feeling of intense sorrow or distress, especially at the death of someone really close to you is not one thing that can be theoretically explained, unless the observer have had the experience thereof. The emotions that would make a big man cry out like a baby. That pain so hurting that words cannot be used to express but only the characteristic sounds uttered which the gods alone may know the meaning of; that deep sorrow which causes the soul to weep inconsolably for a long time is grief.

Grief is not to be dwelled upon. Only the dead could fully comprehend grief. They can because they know its end.

When we were discussing on depression, I told you briefly about grief, especially one as a result of a loved one. I tried to explain how this has been a major cause of depression for so many people. It’s absolutely okay to grief. It is your legitimate right as a member of our humanity to want to ignore all things at the moment of your grief and allow your pain just be. It’s okay to want to do that. I have been there many times.

I remember asking myself a lot of questions like: “since the last time you were grieving, has the Sun stopped rising to share in your mourning? Did the moon wait at moonlight to continue in your tears? Maybe for sometime they did too. But now, all things must return to its state of rest. You should too.”

You deserve relief from your mourning. You have cried and wept in pain for so long. You have unfortunately lost that one whom you loved so much. You have been through so much sorrow. Now, you deserve some joy; maybe some sonorous laughter from some friendly gist would help, or the window shopping you used to do at spare times. Whatever it is that would make for your happiness, dear one, you deserve it. Now go. Go get some fun. Let the rain wash away the tears and allow your heart the feel of the gentle Autumn breeze.

We do not want to mourn you too, for when the aggrieved refuses to let go of their griefs, we may soon be grieving over them.

What I am saying is this: it’s time to move on. The dead is in perfect rest now.

One basic reason people find it difficult to let go of mourning is the guilt of moving on. For some reason, they think it’s selfish to just move and act like nothing happened. But we are aware that something did happen. We all know what happened. But you see, life’s in phases. Don’t hold to a phase that has passed.

It is because we held on for too long that depression came in. Something had to change. and so since you refused to change your attitude towards the situation by letting go, the situation changed rather to something worst. That’s why i am writing this to you, so that you would realize it’s been okay to grief but the time to let go is here. Though difficult as it may seem initially.

For further clarifications, questions, contributions or counselling, you can mail me to



Joy Iseki

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