LOVE…(HOW DO I DEFINE THIS??)

love

The subject of Love is often a controversial one, especially when it has to do with its definitions. While some lovers want it professed to them, others prefer it pragmatically displayed. And the analytically inclined like myself, demands for it both ways.

February is gradually becoming the official month of love worldwide. Our discussion for last month was focused on self-love. Since you’ve learnt how to love yourself, I thought it would be great to also master how to share your love with another soul in ways that truly reflect true knowledge.

Of the many sides to love, one that I find still quite fascinating is in how someone would claim to love another, and yet the object of this supposed affection could be unaware of being loved? This commotion as regards love has wrecked many otherwise good marriages and it is still ruining relationships that could have become forever, but for ignorance due to conveyance. The show of love like the act of communication, must be understood by the receiver, who in this case is the beloved. Otherwise, there will be a disconnection.

Since Temi met John during one of her Salsa dance classes, she rarely talks for an hour without John’s name being mentioned. For her, he seems the ideal of her heart’s desire since her three decades on planet Earth. For those of us who have heard her speak, we know it’s just a matter of time before our own experience resonate with hers. So we reckon that she goes through it. She needs to gather as much of life’s experiences as she can. Even if it has to happen at her current age. Still, we are worried.

For one, there is no actual friendship between them, yet. Neither the presence of any naturally flowing bond, save for the attraction she’s feeling through her observation of him from a distance. There may be the occasional exchange of few words between them at intervals. But even that is only at short interim. Anything else is just an illusion! Like a stalker, Temi admits following up almost all of John’s movements and moments during their training. No, she isn’t a teenager that’s about to meet with her love for the first time. If that’s what you’re thinking. Would it be okay to say that she’s in love with this guy, for now?

Love isn’t the easiest of emotions to describe.

Infatuation or having a crush on someone is that feeling of attraction you feel that is usually without any closeness to them. Most of us have had the experience of this, at least once in our lifetime. Rarely does this crushing turn out in reality, the way you see them happen in the Mills and Boon fiction tales. Hardly a happily ever after.

If it was ever true that first impression matters most in life, I certainly do not think it applies to one’s love life. Well, maybe not to that same degree.

You do not want to give all the 30 years of your heart’s lifespan yet, to a brief momentary  encounter alone. Do you? It would have been wiser to prude further.

In many of the crush cases, you are only having an emotional attachment through your feelings, which are mostly based on your perceived ideal of who your subject of attraction is. It is nothing from having shared experiences with them that can lead to some form of knowledge of who they are, actually. That is why it can turn out disappointing when you eventually realized that your ideals of her is not who she turned out to be. I guess love has many colours.

If because of the Adrenaline gush during this momentary high time of your crushing, you move faster than your brain is ready to assimilate facts, you can end up being battered and ever bitter when the unexpected begins to unravel. This can be a cause for heartbreaks.

Attraction alone is not enough to sustain the daily stress you bring back home after all those transactions and interactions with different people in a 24 hours bustle. This is where many start getting frustrated with their unmet expectations. They wondered how time seem to be eroding the “lovely feelings?” they once had?  No. Time is only a revelation of things you didn’t pay attention to, initially.

When two people meet for the first time, there is the possible exchange of their energies of vibrations at equal frequencies usually perceivable by the involved parties. Being humans, a lot more interaction is necessary to ascertain whether what you are feeling at that moment is reliable. Thus making moves towards a friendship with that person in order to find out more about the one fancied is a good deal. This interaction can lead to a form of closeness between the two of you.

When the emotional attraction you feel for this individual becomes balanced through closeness during your friendship zone, with the growing feelings intact since the first moments, having known their highs and even many lows by now,  and you still feel good about them becoming a part of your life, then there is a romantic love between you two. Some call this falling in love.

But what really is Love? This four-lettered words have changed many times and seasons than anything else in the history of humans. It is acclaimed the reason for two becoming one as in a marriage, yet abandoned at the divorce courtroom to some irreconcilable differences. What is love? How do I give it a meaning that would connote both its confession and realistic manifestation, without being biased towards the other?

One of the most popular definition of love has always been an intense feeling of deep affection towards someone.” Which is fine. But my decades of experiences here on earth no longer agrees with that definition as fully enough. Love is beyond just having a feeling for a beloved. It is more about showing through actions, what those feelings means in ways that enables the beloved convinced of being loved. That’s how I see it now. I am no longer buying into it just being some strong deep feelings of affection, alone.

“Nah who feelings epp?”

Love is too deep to be left at the mercy of what or how you’re feeling alone. Haba! Does it mean we won’t be in love in the days when life happens? Because life does happen.

In my opinion, you must be able to translate how you feel to something, or an experience that can be felt. How can we base the interactions of two distinct souls to some fleeting feelings, alone? How? Have we not by doing so reduced the exchange of such beautiful experiences of the two immortal souls to the mere passage of time considering the untrustworthiness of the human emotions?

Again, my curiousity demands an answer to what happens on the days lovers don’t feel too good?…If love is only a feeling. Here, the show of self-control becomes an important key, if relationship will stand the test of trials.

I remember one valentine card I received from a crush back then as a teenager. Inside the card was written, “Love is a feeling that you feel which you haven’t felt before.” I was young and naïve, like most teenagers, and had only a faint idea of what those words meant. With hindsight now, I am wondering what I was doing around love at the time. Did we even know what it meant? I guess not! If you’re a teen reading this, I can only share with you the words from the book of Songs of Solomon: “Do not stir up love until it’s time.” I am wiser now.

Time, and time again, I have learnt not to give my heart only to the fondness, or whatever poetic justice the professions which the emotions of my lover alone may portray, but to watch with my eyes wide opened on how these feelings are being enacted, practically.

You see, as much as we enjoy those feelings we feel during the Adrenaline gush of Dopamine running through our bodies like some sudden downpour of heavenly bliss, we must never forget that Love is an action word. And that feelings at its best is still fugitive. The profession of love therefore must be expressed in deeds as well.

If you keep these words close to your heart, you could prevent unnecessary heartbreaks for yourself and save the time of your naivety. Because heartbreak is no respecter of age, but of knowledge applied.

Please leave your comment and further discussion in the comment section. For further inquiry, speaking engagement, and personal sessions with the author, please use the Contact Me.

To your successful evolved life,

Joy Iseki.

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