“When you are healed, go out and heal others..” – Maya Angelou


Sometimes, I think being single, especially as a single lady, in Nigeria, can be one of the hardest things to be. If the married women are not thinking you are after their husbands, the single guys would be feeling cool with themselves by assuming all you do is to crush on them.

For them, all you are looking for is a husband. Nothing else matters. Or, at least, should matter to you. Crazy!

Personally, I have been a single lady for the three decades of my life here on earth. Single in this case means NEVER married, only!!

If you are a typical Nigerian, you’d understand what that means in terms of pressure from the society.

While I am aware that some of these pressures may be out of concern, most of it are mere jeering, and sarcasm based on the limited exposure of most of the people involved.

These people assume that if you are not married at 25 years as a lady, then something must be wrong with you.

Unfortunately, this is not so. I apologize to every single lady on their behalf.

It is against this backdrop that many single ladies act desperately when it seems not to be working according to the timeline the society has mapped out for them to be married.

And when these precarious acts on the part of these ladies turn out sour in their rushed marriages, because of the way the union was started out in the first place, the same society mock them for their failure at keeping their homes.

It can be difficult living life based on the general expectations of the public.

No Nigerian single, whether male, or female, should fall into this trap. There’s nothing wrong with you.

I do not buy the idea of leaving other aspects of your life dormant just because you are not married, yet. Marriage isn’t all that your life is about, after all. It is only a component part of the whole. Not your whole life itself.

If you don’t have this understanding, you may be overrating marriage as the automatic saving tool for all your life’s issues. These types get very disappointed the most in marriage. One must be reasonable about one’s marital expectations.

That said, marriage, I choose to believe, is a beautiful thing. Although I have little to say about it’s valid intention to save an already marred life. Pardon me.

I am a believer in the attitude of enjoying the moments. This holds true for all status, relationships et  al. I do not as a matter of my personal principle, get involved with any man who’s not happy with his life without me, for whatever reasons.

Don’t get me wrong, I might add to his happiness. Which I would be glad to. But I am not his happiness box. He’s got to have it in him.

This applies to everyone. No one is your happiness box. You are responsible for your own happiness.

I think that’s an issue that he should deal with first before tying a knot that could frustrate another soul.

Truth is, married, or not, day and night won’t cease. So why should your life come to a halt?

Some of these singles fall into the pressures from the environment because of their limited knowledge.

Rarely does anyone act beyond their level of awareness. There, is the reason I never get tired of reiterating the importance of self-awareness.

My goal now is to help enlighten as many singles out there as I can with this weekly podcast.

I will be sharing some basic lessons I have learnt from counselling other singles. And also some of the things that has helped me manage my own singleness, without the need to be desperate.

As a therapist, my concerns about singles, especially those above the 28 years age group, became more evident with issues I have had to help manage for some about their relationships, and Self.

So I decided to start a podcast for my fellow singles. Especially the ones who assumed that they cannot live life, just because they are not married, yet.

I hope that you will understand how this single phase of your life is the determinant to the outcome of the marriage you so desire.

How about we maximize this time of waiting to get our marriage better done than everyone else by getting it right with the “extra” time God has given us?

It is possible.

Join me weekly on for the SINGLES BECOMING from anywhere in the world.

Together, we can make change happen. One life at a time.

You can download the anchor app on Google Play store for best user experience. Although you can still listen directly from the URL I’d be dropping on my social media platforms.

To read the author’s books, please go to the books tab and make an online purchase. To connect with the author, or engage in some personal counselling, and speaking engagement, use the Contact me tab. For comments, and questions about this post, please comment below.

To your evolving life,

Joy Iseki

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2 Responses

  1. Nice. Keep up the good work. “You’ve got to have happiness in yourself”. I agree. Thank you.

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