The subject of one having to accept oneself can be strange to hear among people who wonder how anyone could have rejected himself by the way.
Literally, it wasn’t that you told yourself to get off. No, nothing like that. It’s the subtle ways you treat yourself badly and so attract people who do same to you because of your own lack of love for self. These things were not done consciously, but imitated over time in your interactions with life based on the rejections of yourself.
Unfortunately for many people childhood was tended towards a more negative judgment and punishment for wrong deeds than any reward for the good things done. This way, we learnt how most of our actions were not good enough, since our mistakes were more visibly pronounced and punished. The child by mirroring this style soon observes to focus on his wrongs more in life generally. He learns to work hard for validations, and praises, if he ever wants love and protection.
The child learns at a young age how to condemn and criticize more than ways to give encouragement. Imagine for once how life would have been if we give as much attention to goodness as we do to fault-finding in children and even in ourselves.
Knowing how naturally it is to become more of our focus, we can see how the much more attention we give to the failings of the child by our quick condemnations of them may have contributed to how they turn out more self critical and shameful.
Though now an adult, he still craves for attention but not with the same method he did as a child. Yet the underlying problem is still the same. He feels unloved. The pains have even grown with him, except that his broad shoulders now does a good cover up of them.
He had suffered rejection. Worst still, he has now rejected himself, craving for companionship where he is rarely invited. The result? So much emptiness, and lack of love for self. He hates his own history. He hates himself. Though he’s now an adult, his childhood lives within, not an inch away from memory.
His denial of who he is continues to make true the self-prophecy of his debased life. But he is not in any way ready for a change without first being aware of how his own childhood now lives in the unconscious memory of his mind; affecting how he sees himself daily.
To change this narrative, he needs to come to the place of self-awareness first. Being aware of the relationship between his childhood experiences and where he is now can help him know where to start with working on his mind.
Then an acceptance of the life he once had. Only this time, without fear or shame looking back at his own experiences because only am embrace of his story can truly set him free from the shame he’s now feeling as an adult. This is the principle of self-acceptance: you fist accept your past and the present state of your life in order to begin the necessary changes required for your becoming.
You cannot change that whose existence you deny.
Self-acceptance is embracing your own story. It is accepting the life that is yours, regardless of how it might have been. It is in essence, the acceptance of self.
How does this impact on your relationships?
Every time you treat yourself poorly, or settle for less than you deserve, or allow people to ill treat you because you do not want them to leave you due to your need for desperate love and validation, you are showing yourself, and the rest of us that you haven’t truly accepted yourself. You live this way seeking approval, while the root is in your self-loathing.
When you show hatred to any areas of your life, you will attract people who are also in need of help in similar areas of their lives. This is how abusers connect with the abused most times, may not be in all cases. It happens this way because both have similar frequency in their internal self talks. These feelings are sent out in form of energy vibrations. Those with similar frequecies attract each other.
It is one of the reasons like minded individuals attract each other, and another cause foe hurting people connecting with others already hurting. In reality it shouldn’t be that way. But life answers to principles. To change who you attract into your life, you must change the frequencies of the energies that you are giving out by accepting your own life, and embracing it. Thus changing your internal self talk about yourself.
The result is the increase in your confidence that can lead to more positive feelings about yourself, in turn increasing your positive energies.
In my book, BECOMING, I shared more details on how self-awareness can help you with the journey towards an acceptance of self.
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To your evolving life.