The subject of self love has been quite controversial. Some people assume it’s selfish to dwell on it. Some other school of thoughts think it necessary for a good healthy foundation for other relationships. I belong to the latter group.

While self love is good, care also must be taken to understand it fully. There’s a thin line between self love and self-centeredness, which some have not been able to distinguish. Reason, it takes deep comprehension to be rightly practiced. It isn’t expressed in popular cliches such as “I love myself,” “self love is bae” and all that alone. Rather, it is best experienced.

Self-love is only a part of the whole process of loving yourself; It is more than pampering yourself with some sun baths in the hot, beautiful sunrise of the tropical African beach. That could be one of the ways though! And yes, it’s far more than having well made manicures and pedicures occasionally for self. Loving self is more about attuning yourself to your own inner being so you can connect with the love and peace from within.

Some people wonder why they should be told to love themselves in the first place. They ask: “what’s with anyone’s business whether you love who you are or not, and for what reasons exactly?” If you have read my series on self-acceptance, then you should have an idea of these questions by now. You can check the previous posts to do so.

Many of the conflicts you may experience in your relationships with other people could likely stem from this one reason; your inability to love who you are or accept yourself. In the same way, the joy and fulfillment from your relationships would likely be a result of your good relations with yourself.

Not loving yourself is one of the factors found to be part of the root of the deeper issues underneath the continual troubles one often experience with other people, despite the efforts to have the best experience with them. This is why starting from the point of loving and totally accepting yourself can help you experience both deeper and longer lasting relationships.

Loving yourself is in actual sense, accepting who you are with all its quirks and eccentricities. It is cultivating the habit of knowing that you not perfect, and most probably never will be; yet accepting that you are enough. It is in some ways, the habit of not losing yourself to the opinion or standard of the expectations from others, while at the same time, being not in denial of the ever evolving journey your life needs for it’s continuous progress.

Unconditional love is a song quite often chorused and a way we are taught we ought to be, especially towards other people. But time have proved that as not so easily experienced from others. We are judged, and segregated based on what need we fill up in another’s life. Human beings attached many things to their love for us: some obviously stated, others subtly manipulated. This is part of the reason self love is important.

What I have observed is more like “unconditionally loving around their conditions for loving!” Almost everyone does that one way or another. In some cases, it’s to protect self from the damage of another’s hurtful life, or just to be more careful not to get harmed. Whatever be the case, it’s important you’re aware of this game. It is the ignorance of this that’s not okay because you stand in danger of being a victim of this circumstance.

This is why learning to love yourself becomes an important thing to do. It turns out that you may be the main one to give yourself the unconditionally love. And that’s a safe harbor for your life’s ride, if you’re ever going to survive well from the often destructive behavior from others you claim to love unconditionally, who may not have similar thoughts towards you. In this case, self love becomes a comfort for you.

When you have mastered the habit of loving yourself, your thoughts and behaviours are always in unison with your soul, and in ways to live your authenticity. And so it is much easier to love your own self unconditionally. This is important because you are  likely not going to fall short of self, neither disappoint yourself, if truly you are walking in the path of self-acceptance that leads to a thorough self-love. Thus making yourself always available to give yourself the love you truly deserve. This is what we mean when we talk about being enough. It is asserting the truth of our human nature. It is your survival trait in a world where you aren’t sure of the next person’s moves.

If you have embraced your own person, and have had the chance at totally accepting who you are, without denials or even bloated exaggeration, you are more on your path towards peace with self and so able to withstand the ups and downsides to the human love from another.


In my book, becoming, I wrote more extensively on self love. Get your copy here

To your successfully evolving life.


|The Counsellor|

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