I recently had trip to the conservation hub where I met a young beautiful lady by chance along that journey. She, like me, was alone during this time. But unlike me, it was because her friend who she had wanted to have the trip with had been taken on another trip suddenly by her boyfriend. And she didn’t want to postpone this trip again, since, according to her, this was her second time planning this trip. The first was supposed to be with her boyfriend.
While we were conversing about her school life and all the University stuff happening around her young adolescent years, especially now that she’s rounding up with her final year studies, I noticed my new friend suddenly turned blue after she had received a particular call. Meanwhile, I didn’t listen to the rather brief conversation she had over the phone. I was engrossed by the image of the beautiful Peacock as it spread its multicoloured feathers proudly at our approach to her territory. What a magical moment to behold!
Meanwhile, I couldn’t ignore Laide’s sudden quietness anymore, as this wasn’t the part of her I had known since the one hour trip we’ve had together. So I broke the ice.
“Are you okay?” I asked my new friend.
“I am fine.” She responded rather quickly like she was avoiding opening her mouth to talk in order to withhold the impending tears shown in her shaky voice.
“Hey, what happened? I thought we were good few minutes ago. Was it the call?” I asked again, but this time, leaning towards her to show my sympathy at her new emotions.
“Uh, yes! He’s at it again! I am just so tired of all the excuses he gives in order not to see me. I am tired!!” she bursted out in tears by this time.
“Who exactly, honey?” I wanted to be sure who he was, so I don’t assume anything. Even though I already had a clue about who he was.
“My boyfriend of 2 years!” She said rather sarcastically.
By this time, I had a rough idea what was happening. It seemed she was being denied some attention, and she loathed it. It took a long while before I could finally get her to relate her pain to me.

And by the time she was done, I could smell this beautiful young lady going in the way of another self-sabotage all in the name of not wanting to be alone.
From her narration, it seemed her lover boy was hardly around as much as she wanted him to. This guy was 2 years above her level in school, and had only started work recently, while she at 24 years, was just about to complete her first degree at the university.
It would have been fair for me to say that true to Laide’s accusation, her boyfriend wasn’t really making out time for her. However with my experience in self-love mastery, I could see something far deeper than that. If a man who works Mondays to Fridays is able to see his girlfriend 1.5days in a week, I think it’s fair enough. He needed some rest too after work, and she needed time for her final year works at school, too. Except that she doesn’t see it this way. She interprets love to mean being together physically, always!
According to her, she had ended her previous relationship because of this similar reasons. She told me bluntly how she likes her man, or anyone whom she loves to always be with her.

She admitted being afraid of time alone as much as she could, except when she make out time purposely to go read at the library. And that still in company of her close female ties! Her boyfriend has been complaining about how she was putting much too pressure on his availability, coupled with the stress he was having with his new job, and had asked for some time alone, especially now that she’s supposed to be writing her final year exams soon. But Laide won’t have any of it. She considers it his excuse to go spend time with some other lady.
You see, Laide grew up not knowing her father very much. Her mom and dad became separated when she was only 10 years old. And even though her mom has since remarried, Laide still exhibits this vacuum about missing a loved one in her soul. She fears them leaving her at any time, and so have mastered being possessive of them. Although she thinks she’s only being loving towards them, the reverse is the case she’s experiencing from her relationships. She admits how some of her close friends sometimes avoid her, and shared how one of them recently complained about how she sometimes feels suffocated by Laide’s ranting of her not always checking up on her as often as she expects. Trouble broke out when her friend told her that they need not always be together every time before their friendship works!

Laide didn’t like that, and so felt hurt.
She was complaining to me by this time of the misbehaviour of these people whom she truly care for, especially by the way they all seem so busy recently. She feels unloved, and lonely. She puts all the blame on them for her own emptiness. But is that really the truth about this matter?
Even though I had planned for the trip to the conservation resort as only a fun activity, it turned out a soul talk between two sisters, whose common denominator was their own experience with self-loathing, except that one of them, in this case me, was already out of that mess. I am grateful to have shared in this young lady’s life. But on the other hand, I feel sad about the similar cases of these stories I get to hear almost every day. These stories have no respect for gender, even though it seem more predominant in the female folks, although I have no statistical data to back this up, but from my own experience, it seem so.
Why do some people fear being alone? What would make some beautiful lady with all things going well for her feel that she might lose her loved ones if she’s not always with them? Many reasons!
For Laide, it was her own childhood experience that had contributed to this. Because she wasn’t used to her own father being around, and with the case of her parent’s separation, it is likely she grew up hearing her mom expressed her pains and fears at losing her husband. And so she had mirrored this narrative into her unconscious mind. With this, her subconscious seeks ways to always protect from the signals it receives from the eternal memories of the unconscious mind every time she’s in a similar kind of relationship with loved ones. This has not only affected her life, it has done exactly the opposite of what she expects in showing excessive love to her closed ties.
Unfortunately, Laide isn’t alone in this case. So many people like her are going through this trauma. Some have been married, others are older adults with grown up children. It really doesn’t matter your age. What matters is your awareness that these things does exists in your life, and how you can overcome them.
This is why I have written my new book, #becoming, to help individuals like Laide go through their lives through the process of self-awareness in order to observe some recurrent traits about their lives which they feel helpless about, but have the control over. That way, you can experience real healing from the roots through self-acceptance, and then have the freedom to live the life you truly want, instead of the opposite.
People like Laide are beautiful souls whose goal is to love, but because of their own past events, they may be doing the exact opposite of their own true desires, subconsciously.
Do you feel that you cannot stay alone, and as a result choke up anyone who moves closer to you? How about your possessiveness, do you think it’s normal, and just a part of you? Have you considered your relationship with self, do you think it’s good enough?
If your answers to the above are all No, or maybe not sure, then you should be getting my book, #becoming, as it addressed all these issues.
Find out more about how to enjoy your own company without feeling always fearful about being left alone. And get a glance into some parts of your current lifestyle that may be a clue to areas of your life where you need acceptance in my new book, #becoming.
To make your preorder of this book, send a mail to isekijoy@gmail.com, or reach out to me in the comment below.
For further discussion, questions, speaking engagements, or personal coaching experience on this topic, please use the Contact Me tab to reach the author. To purchase the author’s books using your bank cards, use the Shop Tab on this website. For comments, kindly post in the comment section below.

To your evolving life,

Joy Iseki

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