When they seem so strong….

I had the opportunity of being raised by a very strong mother.

If i can recall vividly, i don’t think i ever saw my mom down at any moments during her life time except prior to her death.

Now, i said i didn’t “see,” because i am sure she must have had those down moments but may have deliberately concealed them from us or i was just too used to her “strength” that i never bothered to observe that part of her.

She was always that woman who woke up early and slept late and still goes around our rooms at midnight to confirm that her children were complete.

What a mother!!
And No, i am not talking about the Proverbs 31 woman (If such woman ever existed..)
I am actually telling you about my own mother (and i am not exaggerating on this).

Looking back now, and with my few experiences with life, i realized that maybe i should have given her more attention. Well, that’s just a may be now.

It was during the time of my mother’s burial when we had to travel to the village, and i saw more of her other relatives and heard their usual old tales about when “Gena”, as she was popularly called, was growing up and all their  rather good knowledge of history; that i got to really understood her background.

And by this time, i was already getting aware of my natural instincts for human behavior and so i wanted to know more about my mother’s background than what i already knew especially because of her death at the age of 65 years; an age i still felt was too “early” for a woman that seemed so “strong” to die.

Sometimes, “strong” may just be a cover for many other issues we wish didn’t exist in our lives and so a way to mark them up.

“Pay attention to the strong. Show them love and get to understand their life, at least to some extent.”

I am not a certified psychologist…yet. So you may only take those quotes as my personal opinion. But if you are unbiased and can relate with having a friend or close relative who seems stronger both emotionally and physically than the average, then maybe you could give me the benefit of doubt?
That’s by the way.

The point i have found true in all of this especially having friends with similar characteristics and being one of such mindedness, is that these strong individuals didn’t just become that way. It was the results of the many trials and challenges they had been through. They, like the water passing through the middle of the rocks, had through persistence broken through these rocky issues they were dealt with. Something that left the strength of a rock as an indelible mark on their personality.

And a reason we have them really so damn strong for real!!

Having won battles themselves, they have come to trust so much in their abilities to overcome trials that they would rather bear the pain than for someone else closer to them to go through it. The circumstances have made them become selfless, absorbed with the impression of “i will be fine”. And it is by these thoughts that they bear the weights for others. Because they believe if it has to do with them, then it will be okay.

What precious souls!!

Unfortunately, it is these strong ones that our human tendencies neglect much too often.
We see them as already “strong” anyway.
We forget their birthdays, and because they won’t complain about it, we feel it’s nothing. And so we move on with them as usual. Sad, init?

We keep these beautiful strong souls waiting at the restaurant on a date and come two hours late with some excuses and because, again, they seem to always “understand,” we repeat same in no distant time.

We pass the buck of the work to her as the obedient kid that she seem to be and allow the more playful sibling to while the time away in the sandy plays.
We even add up the additional mundane chore of dish washing to her queue right after that.
We convinced ourselves that “she’s the stronger one” and boast in the confidence that she will do it!

And of course she always does it.

Do we ever pause to think about these strong people?
Have we thought about whether they have similar issues we easily make as the excuse for our own disappointments to them?
Does our mind even reflect on their emotions, i mean, about how they also feel too?

Well, i didn’t think about those stuffs in my own case.

But now that i understand better, i am thinking about it even now and more so, writing about the matter.

My thoughts?

If you are lucky to have one of these precious souls as your sister, a friend, a mother, a father and maybe as a perceived foe; show them more love and attention.
They may actually be the one in need of it the most.

-Your friend

Joy Iseki

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