Why do we have thoughts about not being good enough?

As a private counsellor, one of the most common cases I have to deal with is assisting people to align their thoughts towards having the feeling of good self-worth from within. I have observed that many people, including myself, at some point, have had to struggle with a poor image about self. It is from such similar mindset the thought about not being good enough emanates.

But, why is it so? Why do some people think of themselves as not good enough, though?

For one, it can be really difficult to see yourself beyond how you have been perceived by the guardians and environment that raised you. Even worst case is when these guardians, with all their good intentions, by the way, didn’t have much believe in who they were, either. Since mirroring is a common habit for, so we mirror also their disposition towards themselves.

As adults, one of the most important thing you’d have to work on about yourself is having the right beliefs about who you are; mainly referred to as having a good self-esteem, which is the value you have of self. A good degree of it can help with the right feeling of self-worth.

Since we are what we think we are, it is therefore pertinent that we intentionally deal with thoughts we have about ourselves, first. Because when it comes to this thought issue, there is no faking it to become it.

Having a high esteem of self has been found to enhance initiative and pleasant feelings, while low self-esteem may contribute to externalizing behavior and delinquency in young adults.

However, too much doses of high self-esteem can lead to some narcissistic exhibits, while too low esteem of self may lead to more chances of depression under similar circumstances. So balance is key.

When an individual holds the repeated beliefs about not being good enough, it can be a sign of not having faith in who he is; a trait of low self-esteem.

When counselling people with this mindset, one of the most important thing is tracing events that had happened along their life’s journey, especially from childhood. In most cases, this belief was absorbed from there.

These habits were picked up from how they might have been treated when they did the usual little things children do; like failing a subject the parent considers very important, not good at sport, breaking the ceramics at home, and stuff like that. Our attitudes as guardians towards them at these critical, though small events are often recorded for a lifetime.

The label that was given these children from the events had over time translated to a repeated song on the play lists of their mind’s thoughts. As they grew up over the years, their encounter with the normal human life’s struggles further enhanced these beliefs they had already. Unfortunately, this monstrous thought pattern further militated against any chances they would have in future. The result is the usual self defeatist mindset that blames the self for everything, while assuming the self as never good enough for anything.

I am sure a lot of us can relate with this. I can. For me, it was one that costs far too many good opportunities. The reason? The thought about not being good enough destroys the confidence to even make attempt at doing, or accepting opportunities, in the first place. It can kill initiatives. Even when you would have done it well. But, because we are what we think about, it denies us the power to even start anything, or do well at what we should have. The similar bad experiences can further reinforce these wrong beliefs over time. And the circle goes on like that.

To break free from this mindset, you must realize that you are not what has been said about you, regardless of who might have said it. What you have to say about yourself is more important; reason you should start with the change in your thoughts in order to have better things to say about yourself. You are who you think you are. Therefore, you have no reason to continue in this line of thoughts, any longer.

Every one of us is uniquely made, and good enough for our calling, including you. Find that thing you do effortlessly well, start from there. Then gradually take up more challenges. Even if you fail, you should know that at some point, we all fail at something. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough. It means you should learn more about how to do it well through practice.

Be careful about personalizing your experiences in life with wrong labels. They can stick for a long time, while insidiously affecting other areas of your life.

Continuous self-improvement can help with the feeling of not being good enough. The more success stories you are able to count that you have had, no matter how small, the more your mind is able to have the experiences to help replace the previous failure images you had about yourself in the time past.

By virtue of being human, you have something of value to offer. This means you are already good enough. Please never forget that. It is part of the reason I usually encourage people who think themselves too low, because of the wrong assumptions about having no value to offer, to be involved in volunteer services. It can help you realize the many values you can add to lives, and organizations, no matter how little.

Always remember: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH AS YOU ARE. You might need do more work in some areas yet you’re good enough to learn and be what needs be done.


For further discussion, questions, speaking engagements, or personal counselling, please use the Contact Me tab to reach the author. To purchase the author’s books using your bank cards, click here

For comments, kindly post in the comment section below.

To your successfully evolving life.

Joy Iseki

|The Counsellor|

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