The subject of one having to accept oneself can be a debate sometimes, especially among people who wonder how anyone could have rejected himself by the way.

Literally, it wasn’t that you told yourself “I refuse me henceforth!” No, nothing like that. These things are most times not done consciously but imitated rather unconsciously from our environment and in the ways our carers treated us .

This was how most people grew up paying more attention to the negativity than the positive vibes around them. Except for those few lucky ones who had their upbringing quite balanced.

The subtle programming of always judging self badly because of the mistakes you made, that, not being balanced with the reward for your goodness, made you grew up being self-critical when you are not meeting up to your own expectations. This is the obvious result because you are human and bound to make errors, quite naturally. The ripple effect of this behavior affects more other parts of your personality. Part of which is you repeating the same error with your kids and yourself; condemning your efforts that failed while not also taking evaluation of the other good things you’ve done well.

You may even be ungrateful since you think you don’t have enough of goodness. You could also become a very critical person that pronounces harsh judgment on other people. After all, you do it to self. And the lump grows like that into virtually all aspect of your life without you eventually knowing where it began in the first place.

Self-acceptance becomes very important in this case because you must realize that you are human and that as much as you do regret doing wrong, you will not always be right.

How you take this truth is not to wallow in self-pity and leave yourself to do whatever you feel since you think after all, “I am human and bound to make mistakes?” No! You are only expected to utilize this knowledge in accepting your whole self and to stop the continued self-condemnation that is threatening your whole life now.

The idea is to accept that it is the human nature to err. You are human. And give yourself the pardon you’d so often need from doing wrong, while building up the weaker links around your life. It’s a personal responsibility journey actually. All of us have to do this work on self daily.

Those who have become masters of their emotions and feelings, showing us the way of correctness are only the ones who have through acceptance of themselves, work on their weaknesses to become the saints we admire. All of us have that equal chance to that call. Will you obey your call?

Someone who hasn’t gone through this process but had the same childhood experience could have major issues embracing the people in his lives, thus having challenges with his people skills because he has become almost too critical for an effective human interactions. This affects marriages, even. And without being aware of this attitude, would blame everyone else and all other factors for his bad relations except himself. Truly, he might be right, because he isn’t aware of how the root of his attitude oozes from the unresolved personal issues from himself since childhood. What costly ignorance!

I am of the opinion that every one of us should learn to practice the subject of awareness, because I have seen how it has greatly helped me with my own life and those we have walked their self discovery coaching with me. The celebrated ignorance we carry around us are the results of not being aware of the many other things about ourselves, while we push for bonding with other people, who most times fall into the same shoe of unawareness in critical areas about their lives. The eventual relationship from this partnership is only a time bomb whose explosion one would have to deal with as time goes on. You can avoid that from happening though.

Your development is only personal to you, yet of great benefit to the entirety of the human race because of the interconnectivity within us all. But you are the one to pay the price for the learning process and also the main beneficiary of its result or otherwise. It’s your life, isn’t it?

In conclusion, please remember that having a biased critical focus on what you are doing wrong ONLY, while not noticing with equal sight the many other GOOD things about you is myopic and of a one sided judgment. By this behavior, you’d be walking in self-condemnation, which can make you not pleased with who you are and thus eroding the growth process for who you are truly becoming. Your best bet is accepting your humanity by seeing the balance in your rights and wrongs, without a lopsided ficus on any one part one.

However hard you try, you must know that you will err, unless you have become a divinity, and therefore unable to dwell among us humans! This is in no way to condole your misdeeds. Not at all. It is those who understand their frailty that can grow into sainthood; not the denials of same. The acknowledgement of the possibility for your mistakes, does in many ways give you the understanding of empathy necessary for the forgiveness of other people’s wrongs against you. That’s how life works.


In my book, BECOMING, I shared more insights on self-acceptance and it’s practice. Please find it here. For counselling sessions or to invite the author to speak, kindly send mail to thekounsellor@gmail.com

To your successfully evolving life.





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