“Sometimes the worst place to be is in your own head.” – quote
Our thoughts are not always right. Neither do they always give a real picture of who we truly are. For years, I battled in my mind with thoughts that threatened my happiness.
We have over 60,000+ thoughts in our head a day. How can you believe all of these? You’re not even aware of where most come from.
The majority of these thoughts are from your ego defense: stories the ego uses to protect you based on your life’s experiences so far, which are mostly defensive. These stories are victim focused because they mainly serve to defend you, thereby protecting you even from having new and different experiences.
Some are just coping mechanisms; negative or positive, that had served you at the time, but may not help you truly experience your real self, if they’re all listened to. The ego had formed these stories based on your challenges in order to help you cope with the situations at the time.
Others may be from your conditioning: beliefs about yourself based on opinions you heard others, especially your care givers/parents, and adults you had looked up as your heroes, had about you. They do not give the right information about your true self. But may have become adopted as your TRUTH.
Some more of our thoughts are picked from the happenings in the environment you had been exposed to over time: this means your background, family life stories, your upbringing and beliefs that had been passed on to you from different people, events, places and things you had been exposed to.
All of these show what you have now accepted as your PERSONAL REALITY or personality over the years.
A lot of these thoughts are your enemies. They limit you, sabotage your true identity, and make you run from self. Your GOAL in HEALING is in identifying what these thoughts are, and replacing them with better truth of who you truly are.
You’ll know if you’re becoming healed from them, when your major thoughts no longer make you feel small, ashamed, guilty, condemned, angry, insecure. Because all these are from the SURVIVAL EMOTIONS – emotions you had learnt from trying to take fight or flight during the challenges.
The thoughts that had led to these embodied emotions were based on survival only. We cannot evolve to our true selves if all we do is survival. That’s the elementary instincts. We are more than to be barely surviving.
You cannot live daily on survival emotions. Because if you do, you’d become stressed out from expending so much energy met for other areas of your life on this one thing of survival.
As you heal, you’ll start to experience more ELEVATED EMOTIONS of love, happiness, gratitude, joy, confidence, and becoming more secured in yourself.
These elevated emotions are our creative genius. I consider them our “home” state. Because we thrive more with them.
As an emotional wellness coach, I’ve now realized that the major part of our healing journey is in managing how, and what we think. This is even more important if you had been exposed to an environment that wasn’t so helpful to your experiencing the more elevated emotions.
For most people I’ve worked with, their own thoughts had become their enemy, where the loudest unfortunate voices about themselves was most heard.
Sadly, these voices were thoughts from people who didn’t understand how thoughts worked, and cannot be blamed because they were victims of the society themselves. But these people had picked their opinions as their truths. Reason, their thinking stemmed from what these voices were always saying to them even now.
Children from the ages of 0-6 years old can barely think analytically for themselves. At this age, most of what they believe about themselves would be from the environment they had been exposed. This comprises of the care givers they looked up to. Unfortunately, if these people, places, things and events were not intentional about what they were saying to these children, their voices, cues, images would form part of the thoughts that could now sabotage their adult lives.
It’s very important we know this. Otherwise, we’d spend our lives listening to all sorts of the thousands of thoughts from these experiences we have become unconscious of, not being aware that they are not thoughts from our true selves.
Have you wondered how an individual would be into self-sabotaging habits that threatens their own happiness, especially in relationships?
If we agree that one is as he thinks, shouldn’t we see, from what I had explained above as sources of most of our thoughts, how they have come to believe in lies about themselves which may have been picked up from what they often heard when they were growing up in an environment that had treated them in similar ways as they now do to self?
Almost all of us treat ourselves the way we had been treated by those who we had looked up to as our heroes. Unfortunately, we may not be aware we do. It goes to show how important nurture is to our being.
If you have been indulged in mostly survival emotions like self-loathing, hatred, guilt, anger, fear and insecure feelings, it’s important you know this isn’t all about you.
I may be wrong. But I totally believe that our true self is divine. For the religious, this may be all that the prophets had come to let us know. That we’re divine, an extension of all that God is. And if God is often described as light and love, then, isn’t it a pointer to the kind of beliefs about ourselves we should have as his children?
All of us must be aware of how we are not everything we think. We must realize where those self-loathing, self-limiting, and defenses that won’t allow us experience happiness, peace and right beliefs about ourselves come from.
Part of our healing journey is all about this. It’s about becoming aware of all of these external factors that had contributed to how you now think your thoughts, and becoming separate from them in order to stop being haunted by things that were outside of you, which you had internalized.
The self healing journey is this: becoming an observer of these events going on in your head, and dealing with the self-sabotage they had caused you over the years, by noticing how they now affect your life.
I hope you start this journey as soon as possible. May this write-up awaken that desire for your true change to begin. Learning to separate yourself from these “acquired” thoughts which do not serve your happiness, love and fulfillment is your healing pathway. Once you get this, you can start thinking new ways that is helpful to your evolving life.
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To your healing, love and fulfillment.